just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize