Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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