i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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