He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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