Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
