i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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