My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
