I wannas sexs uuuuu
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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