He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
