How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
