I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
