I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
