Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
