Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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