Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
