Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
