Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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