He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
