I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize