I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
