Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you never un-have a 4some
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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