And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
