just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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