Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
