So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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