her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
