Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize