Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
