He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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