I'm passing your future prison.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
