That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
