Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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