In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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