just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
