I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
