Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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