I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
