someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
