youre lurking in front of me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
