its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize