Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
