I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
