We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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