I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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