I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
