I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
