Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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