Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
