i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize