First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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