i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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