so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
