It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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