Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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