I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
