i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
