T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, beer. Big fan.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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