did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
