You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize