Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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