my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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