im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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