hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
