My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
