shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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