Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
they need to just BURY HIM!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
