ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
