it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
