good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
