If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
