Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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