look no pants
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
