I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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