I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
